In Loving Memory - Mrs. Dana Miles / December 13th, 1921 to May 20th, 1999

As one grows older, life starts to pass one by at what feels like the speed of light. Events both good and bad occur, and these events make up our memories. On May 20th of this year, I was at work talking with two prospective clients when I received a phone call. On the other end was crying and I thought it was my friend playing a joke on me with one of his many voices (as he usually does). I was about to tell him I was busy when I suddenly realized the phone call was not a joke. It was my sister who bore the bad news that my Mother had passed away during the night. At that moment everything stopped and time stood still for me.

Now six months later, writing this remembrance of my Mother has been very difficult. It has not been my intention to write volumes of notes about how indebted I am to my Mother because frankly, volumes would never cover it all. But I have hesitated on completing this story because of the fear that I will miss saying something that was special about her. It is so difficult to close a very important chapter in your life.

The loss of someone so close and someone you love so much is never easy. My life has a big hole in it and though I am told by loved ones it will become easier, it has been and I am sure is going to be a daily trial for me to endure. I miss her for countless reasons and with that feeling comes the sadness of her loss as I will not be able to make anymore new or happy memories with her participation.

Over two decades ago I remember looking on her dresser in her room for something and I came across a hand written poem in her hand writing regarding someone passing away by the author Avon. I remember at the time the poem shocked me but I never thought of it in regards to my mothers mortality. A short while before my mother passed away things occurred regarding her mortality. I remember driving my car and for some reason the feeling of her loss occurred and overwhelmed me, even though she was still with us. Also she had even begun to talk more about her own mortality. Upon my mothers passing my family and I came across this same poem on yellowing paper and this time it's meaning really sunk it. I know the poem was how my mother would have wanted us to feel about her loss. The more I think about it, maybe I am now dealing with a new chapter in my life.

As far back as I can remember as a kid, my mother always had a hard life. However for all her trails and tribulations in life she did one heck of a job raising her four loving children. Her job was not easy as she had to work in the capacity of both mother, father and many times as a provider to us. She and thus all of us were not rich growing up. Money was very difficult to come by but she always managed. Appreciating what we have is something we all learned from her example, and now she has four very successful children in their business and career pursuits and more so, in their personal lives.

Since we never had money, my mother never could afford to pay for things like my sporting endeavors. In order for me to train in the Martial Arts I had to deliver newspapers to pay for my lessons. But she knew I had found my niche and she supported me in my endeavor as best as she could. I do not know how she did it but she would buy me all the available monthly Martial Arts Magazines as I was growing up. It must have been very expensive for her because I now sit on a very admirable collection of Martial Arts magazines. I have every premiere issue of every major Martial Arts magazine ever produced.

She saw me through my competitive years when I would win and yes, when I would lose too. Even though I am not known as a Martial Arts Tournament competitor, in my final event of this type (1990), she was there to witness me winning the Black Belt Grand Championship. In front of everyone I dedicated the win to her from my heart. She also saw me win my last World Muay Thai Title even though she protested and told me I should retire. "Enough is enough Love", I can still hear her saying to me. After the fight she was crying stating that I better not fight anymore, so I promised no more. She had the typical mothering instinct and figured I had achieved a lot and it was time to pass the torch on to my students. I have never regretted my decision or her influence in it.

With my career I always hoped and knew that I would head back to the her old country Lithuania, where she hailed from. I always wanted to go back with her and learn more about her past. In the last few years, the opportunity came up but due to problems with her health she would not go and as such I also turned down the offer as well. I was disappointed but always hoped in the back of my mind that I would take her back and let her see her past as well as having me learn more about my Mother. As I think about it she never dwelled on the past.

Mom had a child's lust for life. All the hard times and difficulties of her life never took away from her smile. When she smiled she lit up everything around her. I expected her to be around another ten years. Only her physical health problems slowed her down. At times she would joke about how much easier for us everything would be when it was her time. I would protest heavily every time she stated this because it saddened me even thinking about it. Now I try and picture her in heaven, happy, robust and pain free, able to do whatever she wants surrounded by love. This thought offers me much comfort.

I have been told by many close friends as well as my family, that I have a hard exterior (like my father) when you first get to know me. I agree with this and in that respect I am what I am. But everyone has told me that as they get to know me, I have the heart of my Mother. This is the greatest compliment I could ever have. I am loyal to my family and my friends, and their happiness is important to me. Through my Mother's support and encouragement, I love my job, I love my life and I am happy. What could anyone ask for on top of this?

Take a moment to tell your loved ones how you really feel about them, because day by day things can change. Solve your disagreements because something could happen where you never get a chance to tell them you are sorry. Life is too short to spend the rest of your life feeling guilty about situations that later in fact, can seem very petty. We are all down here for a purpose, and it could be for a short time or a long time. No matter what, let the ones you love know they are loved. Spend time being happy and focus on the good things in your life.

I am very comfortable with the relationship I had with my Mother leading up to her passing. I talked with her as often as I could and she always knew how much I loved her and vice versa. She always knew that anyone of her four children were there whenever she needed it. I thank God for the beautiful relationship I had with my mother. Both me and my siblings were truly blessed.

Mom you always bring a smile to my face. As I write this I now know I have started a new chapter in my life and every time I think of the things that are important and bring a smile to my face, I will have created new memories with my Mother.

I love you and all your children and grandchildren love you dearly Mom.